Military humor



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Murphy's Law on Battle

Murphy's 1st Military Law:
Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than you are.

Murphy's 2nd Military Law:
No battle plan ever survives first contact with the enemy.

First Corollary:
The enemy invariably attacks on two occasions:
A. when you're ready for them, and
B. when you're not ready for them.

Second Corollary:
Professionals are predictable. It's the amateurs that are dangerous.

Murphy's 3rd Military Law:
Friendly fire ain't.

Corollary:
If you can't remember, then the claymore is pointed at you.

Murphy's 4th Military Law:
The most dangerous thing in the combat zone is an officer with a map.

Murphy's 5th Military Law:
The problem with taking the easy way out is the enemy has already mined it.

First Corollary:
There's always a way, but the easy way is always mined.

Second Corollary:
Make it too tough for the enemy to get in, and you won't be able to get out.

Murphy's 6th Military Law:
The buddy system is essential to your survival; it gives the enemy somebody else to shoot at.

Murphy's 7th Military Law:
The further you are in advance of your own positions, the more likely your artillery will shoot short.

Murphy's 8th Military Law:
Incoming fire has the right of way.

Murphy's 9th Military Law:
If your advance is going well, you are walking into an ambush.

Corollary:
If you are short of everything but the enemy, you've found the combat zone.

Murphy's 10th Military Law:
The quartermaster has only two sizes, too large and too small.

Corollary:
Never forget that your weapon was made by the lowest bidder.

Murphy's 11th Military Law:
If you really need an officer in a hurry, take a nap.

Murphy's 12th Military Law:
The only time suppressive fire works is when it is used on abandoned positions.

Murphy's 13th Military Law:
The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire.

Murphy's 14th Military Law:
There is nothing more satisfying than having someone take a shot at you, and miss.

Corollary:
Anything you do can get you shot, including doing nothing.

Murphy's 15th Military Law:
Don't be conspicuous. In the combat zone, it draws fire. Out of the combat zone, it draws sergeants.

First Corollary:
Never draw fire; it irritates everyone around you.

Second Corollary:
Try to look unimportant. They may be low on ammo.

Murphy's 16th Military Law:
If your sergeant can see you, so can the enemy.

Corollary:
If the enemy is in range, so are you.

Murphy's 17th Military Law:
The enemy diversion you have been ignoring will be the main attack.

Murphy's 18th Military Law:
A "sucking chest wound" is nature's way of telling you to slow down.

Murphy's 19th Military Law:
When you have secured an area, don't forget to inform the enemy.

Murphy's 20th Military Law:
If it's stupid, but it works, it ain't stupid.


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